Kathi Boyle’s late cousin, Susan “Susie” Boyle, was a lot like her: Both women have always been out and proud. But, when Susie was diagnosed with a terminal illness in 2011, she went back into the closet. Ms. Boyle then saw the fears of discrimination many LGBTQ+ elders have.
“She got sick, and she was not gay [in the hospital]. She was so frightened. Seeing that kind of fear in Susie, was like, ‘How could this be possible?’” Ms. Boyle said.
Ms. Boyle, 72, of Swissvale, describes Susie as an athletic, passionate businesswoman whose identity was known and accepted. But, when she died, Suzie’s partner could not hold her hand; the fear of not being treated equally was on her mind even in her last days.
“I can understand her being afraid of dying, but her fear of being known as who she was, was just sort of like startling, very startling” Ms. Boyle added.
According to the national Advocacy and Services for LGBTQ+ Elders (SAGE), there are 3 million LGBTQ+ adults over age 50 in the United States, and two-thirds of them say they have experienced discrimination at least three times in their lives. LGBTQ+ elders also are less likely to pursue entitlement services as they age. A program at the PERSAD Center in Lawrenceville, affiliated with SAGE since 2014, now aims to connect older LGBTQ+ folks to trusted services, resources and, most important, a community.
Coffee and Conversations began five years ago when Ms. Boyle became the part-time coordinator for SAGE after retiring from the Pittsburgh Aids Task Force (now Allies for Health + Wellbeing). Elders gather once a week to hear from speakers and talk about their lives and experiences. These conversations are a time when they can feel safe to be themselves, she said.
Don Finch, 72, of Stanton Heights, had worked at PERSAD for many years before his retirement in 2017. But like many older LGBTQ+ folks, he felt isolated. Mr. Finch also needed to find senior housing, but similar to a third of LGBTQ+ elders, Mr. Finch feared re-closeting and further isolation.
Mr. Finch navigated the difficult process with the help of SAGE and has since spoken about his experience at the PERSAD Center’s June housing summit and in his Coffee and Conversation group. Mr. Finch says he will still navigate his new housing with caution and come out to the senior housing community slowly.
Coffee and Conversations isn’t just a social group. These older people are helping those with barriers to help them access resources. The group has also created the Friendly Visitor Program, which has reached out to people in rural areas or those who cannot get to PERSAD to help them find housing, services and friendship.
The group sends out volunteers to the 10 counties surrounding Pittsburgh to identify the needs.
Ms. Boyle, who often spends countless hours making the trips, described one man in a rural community as being very isolated and scared. In the years before he died, Ms.Boyle had helped him try to find housing where he would feel safe.
SAGE has recently hosted additional events, such as the housing summit, a trip to Cleveland, and a potluck for youth and elders to discuss LGBTQ+ history. Ms. Boyle says they hope to expand their programs “until we don’t have enough seats around the table.”
Coffee and Conversations is held at the PERSAD Center, 5301 Butler St., every Tuesday from 8:30 a.m. to noon and the second and fourth Thursdays each month from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. Drop-ins are welcome.
Coffee and Conversations, as well as all of SAGE’s programming, are free and open to anyone 50 or older. For information contact Ms. Boyle at 1-888-873-7723 ext. 310 or kboyle@persadcenter.org. For details, check out persadcenter.org/pages/older-adult-services.
Emyle Watkins: ewatkins@post-gazette.com and @EmyleWatkins on Twitter
